Embrace Your Dysfunction and Become a Great Leader

Dr Adam Fraser is one of Australia's foremost experts in the area of amplifying workplace performance. He has spent the last 14 years focusing on improving people's physical and mental performance. In this time he has worked with individuals from all walks of life, ranging from athletes at the Australian Institute of Sport to company executives.

"If you think you're pretty crazy, then you're in good company because the human race as a whole is out of its head. Now of course we all know this about others - our mother and father, sisters and brothers, friends, wives and husbands. We know how nutty 'they' are. Now the problem is for us to admit this about ourselves, and then do something about it."

Who made such a confronting and hard-hitting statement? It was none other than Albert Ellis, one of the most well respected clinical psychologists to draw breath and the pioneer of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Then it dawned on me that he is right.

Recently I was presenting a workshop on leadership strategies. One of the managers rated himself very highly:

"I am really empathetic and I create an environment where people can express things to me without retribution. Also I see myself as a coach who fosters my team's development and I have a strong relationship with each and every one of them." Then I spoke to the team.

Their responses were: "He is an ego maniac whose only focus is to better his career; he is a tyrant who uses fear to get people to engage." I was gob smacked at this leader's lack of self-awareness. Then that very night I came across Albert's quote.

The most common thing I hear after my presentations is: "If only my partner were here, they need to hear this" or "If only my team were here, they are so negative and dysfunctional". No one has ever said "Wow I just realised that I am the dysfunctional pain in the rear in my team. I have been stirring up trouble and undermining my manager for years. I need to fix this."

We seem to chronically lack self-awareness. Being selfaware is an immense skill that is needed by all of us whether we are a leader or a team member. We often think that our behaviour is reasonable and we are very quick to judge the people around us. The question is why?

It is easier to blame others than to look at our own behaviour.
It feels good to judge others because we feel so right.
When we publicly blame/ judge/persecute others we elevate ourselves in the social hierarchy.
We are basically ignorant of our own behaviour at times.
We simply can't entertain the thought that we are not perfect.

It is ok to admit that we get things wrong and we are never going to act perfectly all the time. It is also necessary to understand that we can exhibit some dysfunctional behaviour AND still be a good person.

So what makes a great leader?

The general opinions we received were that a great leader would ask for feedback on their own behaviour and take it on board without taking offence. My challenge to you is to make a concerted effort to improve your self-awareness first before trying to address others.

Step 1: Start to objectively observe your behaviour. Is it reasonable? Do you get involved in office gossip? Are you overly sensitive? Do you create issues?

Step 2: Start to examine how your behaviour impacts on the people around you. Can we be more enthusiastic, more empathetic, more engaged and more supportive?

Step 3: Allow people to give you honest feedback on your behaviour. When was the last time you allowed someone to really tell it like it is?

Step 4: Can you park your ego and take the feedback on board, rather than take offence and keep it in your black book to use against them later on? It is a hard ask, and to do this we have to be comfortable and secure with who we are.

The best leaders (and team members) are the ones who aren't out to 'prove' anything and aren't driven by their ego. Go forth and embrace your dysfunction! Then do something about it.